thoughtofyou
Dinah Lance blondecanary
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Room 312, Saturday night
Post-luau, Dinah was playing with Camille in her room, music on and thinking of everything that had happened over the last two weeks, including vampires, demons, boys-who-were-girls, and presents and the party and everyone else there.

Loooots to think about.

[for one blonde witch]

"Beyond that, but... no, nobody hurt me." She frowned. "Not exactly. It's complicated." Dinah held up her wrist, turning it back and forth. Camille batted at the shiny stones, until Dinah picked her up. "That's why I want this on when I explain it to you. I can't even figure out what I feel about it, I don't want you to have to deal with it too. I need to talk so it makes some sense."

"Do you remember bringing me your blood?"

"Oh course I do." Karla was glad for the bracelet. Otherwise, Dinah would pull away, worried about sharing too much, and Karla was sensing this was going to require a hug. "Would you like some wine?" she asked.

Karla didn't advocate hiding behind alcohol to deal with problems, but numbing one's emotions while talking about trauma wasn't always a bad thing.


"Maybe? Just a little?" Dinah cuddled Camille, and smiled a tiny bit. "Thanks. And... Is this okay? Or is whatever happened with Ender, and Ben, is this too much to dump on you now? You seem so much better after your trip home, but-- I don't want to hit you with stuff that makes you too upset again either."

Edited at 2009-08-16 03:45 am (UTC)

"Dinah," Karla explained patiently, "I will always have time and energy for you, even if I wasn't a Black Widow." She called in a bottle and two glasses, filled them halfway and handed one over. "I will always listen to you. No matter what. And will not judge."


[Sorry. Unexpected guests]

[np! RL always wins]

"I judge me. Well, I was. Not so much now." If Jack could suck it up, and have sex under weird circumstances and imposed attraction to save the world, and be an adult about it... she could cop to needing to save herself, and maybe having mixed reasons for it.

Dinah took the glass, and after a few sips, and getting her thoughts together, she said, "Actually, I guess it started the Thursday before. I dreamed about my other self." She smiled wryly. "After she didn't manage to finish off the other you and Triela, she went to this place that, um. Sold blood." She looked down at the glass in her hand, and shook her head. "No. Sold the chance to bite somebody."

The bracelet might shield Dinah's thoughts, but Karla could still catch a hint of her psychic scent. So many emotions roiled through it. "Oh, Dinah..." she murmured as Dinah collected her thoughts.

At Dinah's description, Karla frowned, thinking. "Like a Red Moon House, but for blood?"

"Yeaaaah." Dinah was blushing now, and no psychic abilities would be needed to see how this embarrassed her. "Some people, well, even here. They like to be hurt, as, um. Part of sex. Or to hurt someone else." She cleared her throat, and steadily said, "There's nothing wrong with it, I know that, if both people are into it, and they're careful. The vampires at the 'flower shop'-- they wanted to feed off someone who'd they'd leave alive. And the people they fed off were getting paid." Deeper, darker red, and Dinah took a sip of the wine to cover, closing her eyes.

"It wasn't sex, but it was really close to it." She rubbed her face, unable to look at Karla. "Other-me went there on Thursday, and bit this guy that I met last May. Just before you came here, actually." She dropped her hand, looking down into the wine cup, seeing Sam's face. "He's an alumni here, he graduated a year ago. He has a boyfriend and a girlfriend and ... he was nice to me. When we talked at Fight Club." She blew out a breath, rushing to get through the explanation. "He was going there to be bitten so he'd have stuff for the fighters in the dorms. And, uh. Because he liked it."

Violence as part of sex didn't faze Karla. She just nodded a bit. "It's suppose to increase the pleasure, the same way it's fun to be scared sometimes. A bit of pain enhances pleasure, so they say." Black Widows had no problems being blunt with their sexual topics.

"Sharing blood is very intimate," she continued, thinking aloud. "Even just giving you some of mine in a container was. I'm giving you something that is literally part of me. I can't imagine what it must be like to actually take it from a person. The heat, the closeness, the adrenaline rush..." Karla trailed off, realizing that her Healer-instincts might not be helping Dinah right now.

"I'm sorry. Keep going."

Dinah flailed internally, compass spinning and not sure where to point at all that clinical detail. All that accurate clinical detail.

"Like that. Yes. Exactly." She turned the cup in her hands without taking another drink, the reached out to pet Camille. "So. That was, um. Thursday." Breathe, Dinah. Just keep breathing. "And dreaming it, it was ... hot." She rolled her eyes at herself. "Other Me, she liked to feel what he felt too, while she was drinking, so. There was the blood, and there was him, liking it a lot, and-- if it had gone on for a few more weeks, or even a week, they probably would have ended up in bed too. If she didn't kill him accidentally or on purpose."

Dinah stopped there a minute, and let her hair fall into her face again, remembering how much it had embarrassed her to have Karla watch her drink blood out of a cup. So weird, almost exhibitionistic to talk about this, but not. Not sexy, just... safe. Intimate, but not the other. Still unnerving, though.

Karla thought she could guess where this was going. "Was he there? Later?" she asked, as gently as she could. "When you'd crossed over?"

"Yes." Dinah closed her eyes, but managed to brush her hair out of her face. "Before you found me, I went there. Me. Not Other-me." She gritted her teeth. "I wasn't sure... I was so damn hungry, Karla." She opened her eyes, hoping Karla wouldn't think less of her. "And I was curious, I guess. And scared of everything around me, and... I wasn't sure I could kill a deer, and I was scared I'd hurt someone, and-- I don't know. Maybe I wanted something positive, or what seemed like positive, out of that whole nightmare. I don't know, I don't know, I don't know."

And it scared her that she didn't know, not really. Or that she did know, and had wanted it, but it wasn't like she'd thought it would be at all, but she wouldn't have wanted it if she hadn't been starving, and like Jack said, it sucked to feel like something else was in control....

"Shh, Dinah, shh," Karla soothed, wrapping an arm around Dinah and petting her hair. "You were terrified, starving, and trapped in a body that was as much an alien as it was familiar. You were fighting instincts you didn't fully understand and so you went somewhere you could feed under controlled circumstances."

She bit her lip. "When you were with other vampires, you had to lie and pretend. When you were with me, you have to be extra-careful, on your guard, so you wouldn't hurt me. There, in that place, you could be Dinah, but there must have been safeguards involved so even real vampires couldn't harm the...donors? A place where you could just...do stuff, feel stuff...without having to constantly worry?"

Dinah nodded hard, tears pricking at her eyes, and leaned into Karla. She hadn't even thought of it that way, but that had been part of it. Someone else making sure. "Guards. The owner of the shop." She swallowed, trying not to cry. "S-- the guy. He was a fighter, too, I told him, he figured it out..." And that was embarrassing too, God, so much. "He knew right away I wasn't her."

"Yeah. You had all that sanity going on," Karla muttered. "Bet it wasn't obvious at all."

Karla could only go so long without making a smart-ass comment, even for Dinah.

"He didn't give away your secret, did he?"

Dinah gave a watery giggle at that, and swiped at her eyes. "She was really, really... yeah. God, I'm glad I'm not her. And no." She turned red again, embarrassed again but for a different reason. "No, he didn't. He felt sorry for me. He hugged me." Just kill her, this part just hurt to remember, in complicated, achey ways. "I almost chickened out, but he was so nice about it. He deserved so much better than that," she said suddenly, fierce. "It wasn't even the stuff they gave him, or wanting to push himself, he just wanted to feel something..." And damnit, now she was really crying.

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